Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
