its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
