i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
