I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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