i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
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