Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
