Cold hands, warm shart.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
