you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
