real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
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