Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Be still, my beating vagina.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize