some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
