Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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