Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
