I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
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