Betty ford says i'm here all night
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
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Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
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I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
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