sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
