Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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