So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
