Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
