she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
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