Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
