woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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