turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
