I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
