Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
