hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
