Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
