I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
