Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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