So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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