I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
