Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
