I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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