the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
