just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
