my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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