Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
