Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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