Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
