Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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