when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
