apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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