Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
