I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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