Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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