his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
apparently the secret to your success is patron
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
