im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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