I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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