We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
