If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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