just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
