Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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