Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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