her vagine was all disorganized.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
