this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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