Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
