I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
