I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
