so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Randomize
