I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
