i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
