I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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