it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
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my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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