Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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