Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
