These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
