Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
