if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Randomize