yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
