I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
