Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
