do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
