Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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