Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
